Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
