i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
