Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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