Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
