yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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