I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
