the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
