Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
