Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
