I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
