I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
