Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize