Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
