Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
