I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
