I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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