Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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