There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
