Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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