this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
