We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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