The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
