I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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