I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
