I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
