guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize