And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
pop tarts are not kleenex
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
