I've blown a few things in my day
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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