i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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