he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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