and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
