Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
