is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
