Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
