I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
