If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
