I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
