Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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