Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
