u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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