forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
