You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
