I think my fart just growled at me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
