I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.