why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
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yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.