i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.