If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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