if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
