GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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