The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
