she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
