New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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