You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
