Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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