sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
