My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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