can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
