in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
