he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
