I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was born a porn star she said
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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