She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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