He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
