Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
