The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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