"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
