yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
