Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
