I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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