Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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