Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
