I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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