From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
