I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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