I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just invented taco cereal.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
