dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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