apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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