**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
