6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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